Checklist of the Truth behind Everything in Zimbabwe
By Farai Mamina
Solomon in the biblical book of Ecclesiastes says “life is meaningless” and that “everything does not make sense”. Given that Solomon was considered the wisest man of his time and the diabolical turf of politics in Zimbabwe, such stubborn statements become reasonably factual. Nothing appears to make sense in the Zimbabwean context. For instance, people spend three years going through a rigorous process whose results some will dismiss in less than five minutes. Zimbabweans are well-educated people leading to some becoming paranoid and confusing their nineteen honorary degrees with the wisdom and trinity of God – they think they are the father, the son and the Holy Spirit. In this factually chilling analysis, I reveal the secrets behind the Zanu PF-linked embarrassing scandals that have bedevilled the jewel nation.
Behind every fool is a blindfolded supporter Behind every acute brilliance is a loosing critic Behind every Netone failure is Reward Kangai Behind every media confusion is Jonathan Moyo Behind every media blackout is Tafataona Mahoso Behind every national failure is the president’s signature Behind every published propaganda is Goerge Charamba Behind every media control is Mugabe’s former blue-eyed boy Webster Shamhu.
Behind every political limbo and desperation is Job Sikhala Behind every constitutional logjam and lack of progress is Zanu PF Behind every resistance to vacate council office is Ignatious Chombo Behind every divorce and family disintegration is Mugabe’s dictatorship Behind every cluelessness in new political direction is Arthur Mutambara.
Behind every farm invasion was Chenjerai Hunzvi and Joseph Chinotimba Behind every 2003-2004 worthless money printing was Mugabe’s instruction Behind Bright Matonga’s loss of mind was the old granny’s burning for supporting MDC.
Behind every footballing failure is Zifa Behind widespread corruption is Zanu PF Behind every diamond corruption is Obert Mpofu Behind every supposed bank failure is Gedion Gono Behind every discerning Spar is Mugabe’s blue eyed boy Kaukonde Behind the 2000 – 2001 cricket failures are possible match fixing scandals Behind Robert Mhlanga’s mystery mansion built in South Africa is Robert Mugabe Behind every electricity blackout is the hundreds of thousands owed by Zanu PF cogs Behind Chris Kuruneri’s money laundering schemes are most names mentioned here
Behind every 2008 black market is Emmerson Mnangagwa Behind every assassination plot detail is Oppah Muchinguri Behind every European sanction is Mugabe’s ill-gotten wealth Behind every torture and disappearance is the central intelligence Behind every politician’s death by accident is an assassination plot Behind every banned political rally is a political party’s fear of election defeat Behind Cephas Magura’s murder is a scot-free Zanu PF Member of Parliament Behind every separation of ministries is Mugabe’s deliberate plan to create jobs for his boys.
Behind every unthinkable infidelity is a first lady’s lesson Behind every Illuminate and Satanism is the liberation party Behind every narrow survey celebration is a party in comatose Behind every economic refugee status is Mugabe’s dictatorship Behind James Makamba’s total silence is the Grace Mugabe story Behind every political exile and asylum is fear of mysterious death Behind every Gukurahundi massacre is Mugabe, Mnangagwa & Perence Shiri Behind every clandestine and ill-fated indigenous policy is Saviour Kasukuwere Behind the 51% indigenous shareholding noise is empowerment of the already empowered
Behind every tree felling for sale is a Zanu PF failed farmer Behind the draft constitution confusion is Zanu PF celebration Behind every economic failure is Robert Mugabe’s administration Behind every extinct rodent and cricket is a hungry resettled farmer Behind every conservancy invasion and ruthless poaching is Shuvai Mahofa Behind Mujuru’s death is assassination by shooting disguised as fire accident Behind the thinness of Joshua Nkomo’s book is Zanu PF’s censorship of content Behind every fake and illegitimate 25 year conservancy leases is Fransis Nhema Behind every 2008 long and short sleeve mass killings is Emmerson Mnangagwa Behind Joshua Nkomo’s delayed death announcement is a suspected political ritual
Behind every false doctrine are self proclaimed prophets Behind Makandiwa’s meteoric rise is the Ghanian prophet Boateng Behind every gospel of prosperity is the people’s desperation to escape poverty Behind the UFI tagged Mabvuku Spar woman’s money were avocado tree leaves Behind every pastor’s lavish life are believers desperate to receive God’s blessing Behind most new Pentecostal churches formed is a well hatched plan to make money Behind most books pastors have written is a misinterpretation of the actual word of God Behind every sermon preached is internet plagiarised content seeking to redefine the Bible
A few surprising positives
Behind every scorned corruption measure is the MDC-T Behind every meaningful network connection is Econet Wireless Behind every collected refuse and patched pothole is the MDC-T
A single advice to all lunatics
BEHIND EVERY DICTATORIAL RESISTANCE IS AN ULTIMATE ARAB SPRING CONTAGION
Quote: When a country is being led by a paranoid, only the mercy of God can spare Its citizens from becoming better versions of such – Farai Mamina 2012
Author: Farai Mamina is an independent political analyst, information, PR and marketing expert based in Namibia. For insightful political analysis and advice, Farai can be contacted on firstname.lastname@example.org