How Christianity Almost Ruined My Sex-Life – Can’t we talk about Sex in Religious Homes?
And pardon the possible disorganization, this is a stream of consciousness that I’ve been wanting to share for a while… It’s a little long, but bear with me…
For the first 15 years of my life I was Christian girl. When I was a young child, I didn’t know much about any other life outside of being a Christian. I thought everyone went to church and believed in Jesus Christ. My parents didn’t say a word about any other faith to me. I started to understand what it meant to be a Christian after moving halfway across the country to the east coast. I had lost all my friends from my original home. There was solace in church. I didn’t think much of it. I don’t think I thought at all, in fact. I went along with it and followed the pre-teens to retreats. I had fun and volunteered to be baptized with the FULLEST OF HEARTS A CHRISTIAN COULD EVER HAVE.
I was very devout. I know what it’s like to “feel God” or “Jesus” or “the Holy Spirit”. It is a VERY powerful psychological and emotional experience. So much so that attempts to feel it again can lead to irrational, dangerous acts and thoughts. Anyway, at church I saw hypocrisy all around me that contradicted the bible that I had read and followed: Homosexuality, drunkeness, drug use, adultery… Even in my age group. It pushed me further into my corner. Alone with God. I witnessed — looking from the outside in — sex destroying some of my peers’ sanity and coming very close to ruining a family member’s life.
NO ONE ever talked to me about sex. Ever. I think by the time I was in middle school, the only thing I knew for sure about sex was: penis + vagina = sex… and that was it. I avoided movies and TV shows that depicted sex. Those that I accidentally witnessed always depicted it in a scandalous light, as if it were something evil or — if it was nice — had extreme negative consequences. The parents didn’t speak to me about this. I avoided conversations at school. I thought it was evil because that was what had been taught to me in church and strengthened with what I had witnessed in my life. I had the internet, but I did not go to sites that would properly educate me on this stuff. It didn’t interest me.