You might be wronged, you know!

By IAfrica
In Gambia
Aug 22nd, 2014

Let’s digress a little bit today from an already made relationship, but to those spinsters looking for Mr Right. If so, have you ever thought it would be cool to postpone dating until you meet the right man? Surprisingly, I know many will confess that they have not met anyone, who might be worthwhile to wait for.

But I will say there are eligible men out there that are more of good men than bad men. Anyway, it might be possible that you are yet to put into consideration what you want from your dates, because it cannot be ruled out that you even live in a world of fantasy, where men are supposed be perfect, ‘yes’ or ‘no.’ 

Let me take for example, some women considered looks and appearances as a major quality. They like to say ‘he is handsome!’ Therefore, they go into a relationship even when all the wrong signals appear at a first date. Do you know what make them wrong? It is because none of them is worth the time as relationship requires commitment from both parties involved in it. So if a man, whom you are giving chance is not paying enough attention, you have the right to complain; but how long would you continue to complain or how long did you think you can date such a man before you decide if he is  good or not?

Well, accept it or not, there is no need or let me say you do not have to go out for a long time before you can tell who can be caring and a real pain. Within little time of outing you can tell if he is considerate and a real lover or someone that is out to give you stress or add to your stress.

Let me point it out that many women meet men in this type of situation, but leave before damage is being done. As part of hints to date an eligible man, look for signs that he will be a mature man you can depend on as a friend. 

Do you know that men will be courteous to women on a first date? They will show interest in you that you will be overwhelmed as a woman. A man you date should be fascinated with you and his behaviour will show an interest to know you more. 

I will not forget this, because it is another thing that make women wrong and complain about roles he is expected to play in term of finance. I mean the financial aspect of the man. Women these days complain to their friends about spouses who cannot even pay for their credit or airtime on their handsets and on lazy men that cannot work to bring something home still want good food on the table. When you complain it becomes too much, you might consider feeling disappointed, because you expect too much. It is just because you have waited too much, thinking all those you met were below your desire.

Do you even think of how you appear and behave to those men when they act intoxicated, courtesy of your love? Hmmm…. you dress to the ninety-nine level. Yes, this does not mater that you are going to a beach party or a night club. Let me reserve comment on this, because those men want you dressed that way to get them wet. In your next outing, therefore, you warn him that you are not a water babe and would not expect to go to the beach. You added that you would not expect to sit around watching, while sand and salt-water blow into your face. So far you want to act big, you specifically demand for a dinner date, in the end, you complain about the low standard. For good measure, you suggest a particular gala night, dance and show or the type of night club you are going or not.

The “Big Girl,” you want to act, be or as your friends call you, always climb you to make demands on your guys, and this is “just to prove his love,” you say. And if he spends sometimes away from you, it is a warning to him from you that he is not in love, forgetting that he has other things to take care of. Hmmm… you want him to tell you always that he loves you every moment, otherwise the relationship is not real.

Without taking time or within a short period you are giving conditions ,because of marriage desperation. You are not only dreaming of marriage, but you also tell him in detail what plans you are making for the wedding.

Some have ended their relationships abruptly, not because their potential dates have come out to say they are not interested anymore, each one of them told you that they love you. The last one told you to take things slowly and allow him to catch up with you. So, you ended it all, because you want the relationship desperately and immediately. With this woman or women got no time to listen, talk less of a second thought. 

It must be said that you are lucky to be the one that calls it quit, but it is because you are loyal to your partners, is that so?  But you are demanding, so as you think they are not up to expectations. They also think you smolder your men by wanting attention all the time.

Perhaps you are right about being with the wrong men; continue the search. Look for someone who accepts you for who you are, because many men like a pushy woman who will put them on their toes and make them spend like a money-swindler.

One thing you should know is that the right man is the one who knows that you get back what you put into a relationship. He loves you as much as you love him. He may not stay with you 24 hours, but he knows how to explain his actions, so that you understand. He knows that if his woman is happy, he is happy too.

Look out for that man who feels needed by a woman. It may be difficult to live with a woman who says what happens at home all the time, but show him your feminine side and he will be happy that you need him. But occasionally, try to play the submissive wife!

What a jealous boyfriend


            I really love my boyfriend and he also loves me too, but sometimes I cannot just understand him, honestly.  This is because of his jealous attitude. And in order to make him happy I do whatever he asked of me. In spite of my listening and taking instructions from him to show my love, commitment to the relationship and respect for him, he still engages in what he does not want me to do. He exchanges text messages with lots of girls as his phone contains female messages. Based on his instruction and command I changed my telephone numbers, because most of my friends knew my number(s). The new number is limited to just only two of my friends yet, he wanted me to ostracize them as well and chat, call and be with him only. He said I should change my number again! In two months’ time, we will mark our two years dating. In fact my problems are plenty, and I actually do not know how to make you understand them. I endure this too much, but do not understand or know what to do.


In brief I want you and other people to know that ‘jealousy,’ according to Pierre-Augustin De Beaumarchais, ‘is nothing but the foolish child of pride.’ And the Holy Bible states that ‘Love is as strong as death, jealousy is as cruel as the grave.’ Not that you should not be jealous but jealous a little so that it will not put you in a mess. A man that can stop you from communicating or seeing all your friends can as well one day stop or debar you from your family all in the name of jealousy. There is no amount of love or obedience that can make a jealous person feel secure with the partner. But rather they feel insecure especially when he/she finds the partner in the midst of friends or some unfamiliar faces. One thing is that it is very impossible either as a man or a woman to keep everyone or all friends away from the partner for the sake of jealousy. If you are sure of yourself and find a true love, there is no need of jealousy, isolation or ostracize friend and family from your partner that you both love each other. There is no greater glory than love, nor any greater punishment than jealousy. You have the glory of love already and to enjoy the love you must avoid the punishment which is jealousy. So if your boyfriend cannot stop being jealous with all his instructions, it is better your call it quit with him because ‘jealousy is like two edges dagger.’ You cannot continue comforting someone by discomforting yourself. A word is enough for the wise; tell him your mind about his attitude. Let him know how discomfort you are, it is better to stop forceful acceptance of his terms now and you both make a decision that will better your love life, than what will turn into emotional pain (on you) in future. For more detail, call or visit Lovelines. Good luck!

We start the love on Facebook


              I started love with my boyfriend on Facebook just in a short distance after I broke up with my ex, over a year ago. Prior to our dating, he was a good friend online and would always advise me. Since we started dating he changed and becomes jealous of me without having any trust in me. I have done everything possible to earn his trust still he never trusts me. This guy is working in the provinces, but do come down every other week. One thing that baffles me most is that he hardly calls or sends me text messages until when he is ready to come. This is the time he will call to make arrangements for us to meet, in order to have nice time together. Another thing is that since we started dating to date this guy still saves my name on his handset as ‘F*********y facebook,’instead of sweet or pet name like I have saved his as ‘One & Only.’ I was upset last weekend when I visited him; I picked his phone I saw ladies’ pictures and one of them was even his screensaver. When I checked his inbox I saw all sorts of things I never expected. I even saw a marriage proposal text message he sent to a lady which he would like to marry and he never discussed anything like marriage with me since we started to date. The most embarrassing thing is that he pushed and sent me out of his house that night, because I denied him from balling me.  I never planned to break up with him, but I cannot trust him anymore! 

(Name withheld)

There is nothing special or more to tell you than the handwritten you already saw on the wall. Your message is self-explanatory and clear indication that this man only needs you for comfort to kill his loneliness. His level of communication with you when he is at the province together with how he save your name on his phone is enough for you to know his love for you is limited. This is because love is a product of habit. If he loves you it will shows in his habit and he will always like to be with you no matter what situation. His inbox messages might not necessarily from other lovers, but the marriage proposal text is pointing at it. If he really loves you his interest will not be on balling alone. Another thing is that you are yet to know or get use to each other. I think you have a decision to make here that’s if you are to stay and continue hanging out with this man or you forget about the relationship till you find a true love because it is like he has a choice of lady to marry already. But if you want to continue being his bed comforter the choice is yours. Whatever, love is little; love is low; love will make our spirit grow; grow in peace, grow in light and do things that is right. Good luck!

Who should make the first move?


              Straight to my question, who supposed to make the first move, is it men or women that should do the approach and why do men only call when they feel like or can women call men first? Again, after four or five dates do you think a typical man like a woman enough to call her?


Now, without a doubt, especially in our society, it is better to leave the first call to men. It is a clear sign of his interest in you, because it will give you a better idea of his intentions. This is because calling him first makes you a victim and defenseless. Another thing is that it is an opportunity for some men to take advantage of your first move to them, they will pretend as if they are into you, even when they are not. When such men got what they want from you, before you know it they are gone. If you are not strong or wise enough do not make the mistake. That is the first level and on the other level, that’s when man only calls you when he feels like it, it is a sign of just how interested he is in you and the kind of relationship he wants from you. But if it is an occasional call, it is a signal or mostly means he wants a casual relationship, which is good for the moment. But know that it might not have a future unless there is love to take it to another level. However, giving him a call once in a while is okay, as long as he calls you back the next time. You should not be the only one making calls all the time if not you become or he will consider you desperate, which is one of the reasons you read about different ladies complaining of their boy or man friends not calling or texting. So if you are making the first move as a woman, be mature enough to handle it in style, through indirect act. Good luck!

Feel free and send email to or 

send SMS/call(+220) 7669087 or  9147146/6560592/3024158 

A problem shared is a problem solved

Author: Dr. Yunus Saliu

This post has already been read 1 times!

Comments are closed.